Truth Be Told, My Body Is Not Free
Photo credit: @nxe.omi via Instagram
I wanted to write about the liberated black female body. I wanted to share my truth and inspire you toward your own path of physical liberation. But I can’t.
Sharing my most pivotal thoughts and experiences about liberating the mind, body, and soul was the focus of my writing for July. If you’ve read either of my previous essays in the “Toeing The Line of Liberation” series, you know they have been dedicated to exploring what liberation feels like for me as a Black woman in modern-day society. If you haven’t read them yet (but you should!), I’ll tell you a little bit about them now. I wrote about my opinion on liberated Black women and freeing the collective from the societal limitations that hinder our mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Then I wrote “When The Water Called Me In”. That essay told the tale of the catalyst of my spiritual liberation - learning to swim and trust the water at the ripe old age of thirty-one, all thanks to psychedelic herbal medicine.
I can admit that although both of those columns were personal and intimate, they were easy to write. Each of those topics spawned from my desire to embrace intimacy and transparency in my writing so that you may begin to gain an understanding of who I am as a writer and more importantly as a woman. And I thought this essay would be too. I so wanted to share my truths with you again like I did with each of my previous essays; the words flowing freely from my mind and through my fingertips like they had been carried down a flowing stream, which for me is an indicator that I am creating from a place of authenticity. So for authenticity’s sake, I must continue being transparent and honest about my thoughts and feelings in this essay where I set out to share my thought about the concept of a liberated black female body;
I don’t know what to write.
It’s not often that I get writer’s block. Am I overcome by a lack of inspiration at times? Certainly, but that is not the same as what I am experiencing now. Writing about the liberation of the black female body is a bit more complex than I initially anticipated it would be, yet I do understand why I am faced with this dilemma and struggling to conceptualize my thoughts and feelings on this topic. I do not know what to write because I can not seem to pinpoint any defining moments where my body felt physically liberated, at least none that are as poignant as the experiences that served as confirmations of my mental and spiritual liberation.
While there are some instances that do come to mind (stretching, dancing, and traveling do seem to yield a sense of liberation when I engage in those activities) the feeling of liberation diminishes the moment my body is no longer in motion or once it has become familiar with the new surroundings of my travels. Those things only provide a temporary sensation of liberation. In fact, each of those activities does more to sustain my mental and spiritual states of freedom than aid in the liberation of my body.
This realization that I have only ever experienced fleeting moments of physical liberation, is pretty disheartening. Why? Because I truly thought I had achieved a peak sense of physical liberation by prioritizing my health and self-care practices. It honestly sounds completely foolish now that I have taken the time to reflect and ruminate on the idea of what physical liberation actually feels like in my body. The detoxes, the cleanses and yoni steams I performed in a regular monthly rotation, my strict organic and dairy-free diet, the relentless workout regime I put myself through five days a week - they all seem utterly pointless now that I am aware of the ephemerality of the sense of liberation I had achieved through my efforts.
The more I try to find a sense of true physical liberation within me, the more I question what it really means to liberate my body.
Honestly, what is a liberated black female body? What does it do? How does it feel? Does it even exist?
Figuring out if I am or can be physically liberated as a Black women in modern-day society is requiring me to tap into my spiritual knowledge based and pull out one of my favorite mystic truths (drumroll please)… duality! It’s the only thing that can help me make sense of such a complex question. Well, that and writing. I must take a minute to give thanks for the mindful cognitive problem solving skills that writing affords me.
Ok, now that the gratitude has been expressed to the most high, let’s het back to the whole physical liberation conundrum and apply duality the concept of duality to sort this out.
There are always two sides. Two truths, and two lies existing at the same time.
My truth is I feel an internal void in my physical liberation as compared to my sense of mental and spiritual liberation. Liberation is defined as “the act of setting someone or something free from imprisonment, slavery, or oppression; to release.” I am no one’s slave, mentally, spiritually, or physically - that much is also true. However, I do fall under the category of an oppressed class of people by being a woman and a Black one at that. That is the truth I feel most heavily, the one that has burrowed a hold deep inside me. I am oppressed; true. I oppressed people are not liberated; true.
Some of you reading this may be wondering how I could possibly be oppressed in 2024. (and if you are asking yourself that question this essay and website isn’t meant for you, so scram!) I’ll answer that question anyway because it is something I touched on in my first essay in this collection. (Please make sure you read “To Be Black, A Woman, & Free.”) Being a woman means I endure a limited scope of autonomy over my physical body as there is a looming threat to my survival everywhere I go, men. Men have been oppressing and objectifying me since I was six years old. How could I ever feel free when I am at risk of being overpowered, physically harmed, and or disrespected by someone at their will? I can not and I do not! So this whole idea that I can’t possibly be oppressed in 2024 is a lie.
My dulled sensation of physical liberation is directly linked to the persistent sense of worry I am plagued with over the safety and acceptance of my body, which is something that all women can relate to regardless of racial identity, but then have to add the feral fascination most of society has with the physical appearance of black women. If I had a dollar for every time someone tried to touch me, my hair, or enter my personal space without my consent I would be richer than Oprah Winfrey. So again, how could I, me, a Black woman have a true sense of physical liberation when I others think it’s perfectly normal to gawk, accost, and feel entitled to connect with my body?
The figurative, ethereal and not applicable to the real world idea of a liberated Black female body may be true, but the literal, in your face reality of it will evades me because of who I am. It is a fallacy by design. The notion that we are physically liberated because we are not in chains and have more freedoms than we did in the past is true, I won’ deny it. But inherent feeling of liberation is less perceptible in this body I was born into. The truth about liberating the body, my truth, is that there is little truth to it at all.
Thank you for reading.
“Truth Be Told, My Body Is Not Free” is the third article I’ve shared on Mystic Words about my idea of what it means to be liberated as Black woman in modern-day society. I wanted to be as honest as possible about how I feel in my body. This essay was revealed a hidden truth to me that I had not considered before sitting down to write, and the truth I was confronted with was a bit darker and heavier than my previous essays, yet it is still MY truth.
The writing prompts below will help you explore your relationship with your body and the world around you. I would love it if you would select a prompt and write your answer in the comments, or you can simply share a thought that came up for you while reading. Either way, I want encourage you to share your thoughts because they hold value.
Peace & blessings reader
Xoxo
Eryana Taylor
Writing Prompts
What is your definition of physical liberation?
When and where do you feel the most at ease in your body?
Write about an activity you perform that makes you feel a sense of freedom and liberation.
Do you believe like your appearance plays a part in how you define physical liberation?
